Practising emotion regulation as a leader

Managing your own emotions is essential when working with people experiencing trauma, or when you are supervising and leading them.

Supervision

This resource is for anyone working with people experiencing trauma or supervising or leading them. It supports you in considering how well you do this, and how you can improve.

Emotional literacy involves the capacity to acknowledge, recognise, and manage your own moods and other people's. You will inevitably encounter challenging situations and experience negative emotions.

Understanding how emotional states influence problem-solving and personal functioning will help you as a leader. This is essential for nurturing a culture of compassionate curiosity, where others can learn and reflect. It serves as a model for others in developing effective emotional regulation skills.

The following tools help you explore ways to practise self-regulation when confronted with negative emotions.

Learn to manage your emotions as a leader

The emotional, quick-to-react part of our mind can lead to impulsive or reactive responses, especially under pressure. Although it’s always present, we can learn to calm it. It is important to pause and breathe when you feel it starting to take over.

Experiment using these methods to find what works for you. You could:

count to ten
try a breathing exercise
visualise calming imagery to regain control

Taking a self-compassion break can also soothe emotions like fear or frustration.

Return to equilibrium

Breathing exercises can help you regain balance and allow your logical mind to take charge again. A simple 5-minute self-compassion break can remind you that challenges are normal, and you’re not alone. Stepping outside for fresh air can also help you reset.

Recognise your emotions

Processing emotions like frustration or anger begins with recognising and expressing them. Fear, often masked by other emotions, needs attention if it surfaces.

Talk to a trusted person, write down your feelings, or find other creative ways to make sense of your emotions. Naming the emotion is the first step to responding calmly.

Accept your emotions

Anger and frustration are natural responses. Rather than feeling guilty or ashamed, acknowledge them as valid human reactions that might highlight something important. Recognising this helps you focus on addressing the situation effectively.

Mindful attentive listening

Good communication is essential for a supportive workplace. Most people only retain about a quarter of what’s said, but mindful listening can change that. This means being fully present without judging, interrupting, or criticising, so the speaker feels genuinely understood.

Tips for mindful listening

Focus completely on the speaker, avoiding distractions. Before a meeting, take a moment to clear your mind to engage better with their perspective. If online, resist the temptation to multi-task.

Cultivate empathy

Try to see things from the speaker’s perspective. You don’t need to agree, but acknowledging their viewpoint shows you’re listening. Reflect on their words to demonstrate your understanding.

Listen to your own cues

Notice your thoughts and physical reactions, as these can shift your focus away from the speaker. Feelings like impatience or self-consciousness can disrupt your listening.

Actively listen

In virtual meetings, it’s harder to pick up on visual cues, which can lead to misunderstandings. Stay focused and track the conversation carefully to avoid missing important points.

How to improve your emotional literacy

Use co-design methods to genuinely invite colleagues to share their opinions. Keep an open mind in discussions, and pause when you think, “that won’t work” or “we’ve tried that before.” Listen fully to others before making judgements.

Spend time with people who give honest feedback on your performance. Reflect on your strengths and whether you’re enabling others to use theirs. Regularly seek 360-degree feedback, including from those with whom you’ve disagreed.

If some relationships are strained, especially during busy times, think about how you could address and improve those connections. Strong working relationships are essential.

Set aside time to practice handling tough decisions. Go through your thought process in advance to clarify and strengthen your reasoning, ensuring it’s informed by evidence.

References

Eurich, T. (2018). What self-awareness really is and how to cultivate it. Harvard Business Review.

Peters, S. (2012). The chimp paradox. Vermillion.

Research in Practice. (n.d.). Supervisor development programme (adult social care) tools.

Skills for Care. (n.d.). Effective supervision: A practical guide for adult social care managers and supervisors.

Next page: Supporting neurodivergent social workers in supervision